And a Dash of Depression with a Hint of Hope
by Stomei97
Summary: A Bunch of really sad one shots I wanted to write, but since there is so many, I'm just putting it together as an anthology. The title is subject to change. Warnings are inside and I'm putting it at T unless something gets thrown in or someone says I really should change it to M. Current story: Don't Be a Hero.
1. Don't Be a Hero

**A/N: So. Let's go into the warnings first?  
Character death. LOTS AND LOTS OF CHARACTER DEATH  
Various pairings  
Angsty, depressing things (Hence the title)  
Some substance abuse/self-harm in later stories.**

**Some of you who have read my stories before know that I tend to put a really sad twist on things. And I don't know about you guys, but sometimes I like to read really sad things. And that is what this is. A bunch of really depressing one-shots that were too short to make it as independent stories. I get little bits of inspiration from daily things, and not everything is pleasant or humorous (although many of my inspirations are). Some stories are inspired by one phrase, while others are actual situations that have either happened, or that I think of in my head, because I am that kind of jacked up, paranoid person.**

**So, this one. I actually wrote this a few months ago. This was inspired because my music teacher was talking to us about if we were ever in a shooting and told us to 'not be a hero'. Naturally, I hear the word hero and I think of America. Thus, this story was was originally barely over one hundred words, so I added a LOT to it. So yes. Enjoy the story~!**

* * *

"God damn it, Alfred, what did I tell you? I said get out, but you just had to go and be the hero, like always. And look what happened. You got shot. Papa and Dad won't like this."

"Don't worry, Mattie, I'll be fine. It doesn't hurt." Just then he coughs up blood.

"Don't you dare die on me, Al."

It takes eternity for him to respond. "…I can't promise that, Mattie."

"Why not?!" I scream at him. "I need you! Damn it, Alfred! You're the only one who notices me! Don't leave me alone!"

"Matthew, you won't be alone. You have Dad and Papa."

"They're not enough! I need my brother! Damn it, Alfred, why did you save me?!"

He gives me this shit eating grin he always gives me." Because I'm the hero…"

"God damn it, Al, don't give me that." No response. "Al." Nothing. "Al, stay with me the paramedics will be here soon. Please, God please, don't die Al!" Silence. "ALFRED!"

* * *

Three months, one week, six days. It's been three months, one week and six days since it all happened. Since some kid came to school shooting up the place. Since I tripped when running away, and Alfred jumped in front of me and got shot in the stomach. Since Alfred died. Since I was abandoned by my brother. Since I was left alone.

It's been three months, one week and three days since Alfred was put in the ground. So many people were there, even Ivan, who hates….hated. Who hated Al's guts. The Vargas brothers came too. Feliciano cried. But, then again, he cries when someone kills a spiders. Lovino just nodded calmly in my direction, promising to talk with me soon. He hasn't, really. No one has.

It's been three months exactly since the guilt started to set in. If I hadn't tripped, Al would still be here. It should have been me who died, not Alfred. And I know everyone thinks it, especially Dad. He hardly leaves the basement and when he does he usually drinks. No one says it, but I know it's true. I know the all are thinking it.

It's been two months, three weeks, five days since I tried any alcohol for the first time. Papa and Dad were both working late. I decided to snag one from Dad's cabinet. He wouldn't notice. He still hasn't. Alcohol helps to drown out the guilt. So, I always have a few bottles. And when I run out, Ivan gives me some of his vodka.

It's been a month and a week since the alcohol stopped working so well.

It's been one month total since I started cutting myself for the first time. Seeing my blood flow, like it should have done two months, one week and six days prior, helps me with the guilt. It helps me keep my head straight.

It's been two weeks since I first contemplated ending my life. Maybe the world would be better if I just ended it all?

Last night was the first time I entered Alfred's room since his funeral. I knew exactly what I was looking for and where it would be.

See, for every birthday, we would try to give the other a gift to blow their socks off. Our sixteenth birthday, the most recent, Al gave me a stuffed animal, a little white bear. I gave him a pistol. One of those ones you play Russian Roulette with. I don't know gun names very well.

Tonight, cutting wasn't enough. I have so many scars now, and now…now it doesn't help at all. I didn't even both bandaging my new cuts. I wouldn't matter soon anyway. I grabbed Al's pistol. It would be quicker than just bleeding to death. And it would be fitting. I should have died by a gun-shot would a long time ago.

"Heeeeeey, Matthew." I mutter to myself. "Want to play a game?" I load one of the six bullets. Russian Roulette.

I line the gun up next to my temple.

Click. No bullet.

Click. Nothing.

Click.

Click.

I don't hear footsteps or knocking. I only notice someone came into my room when the gun is knocked out of my hand. Somehow the gun goes off and shoots, missing both me and Papa.

"Matthieu! What are you doing?!" I have never seen him this angry before. He grabs my wrist and I whine, because it _hurts._ He looks down and sees my wrists. He lifts me up and drags me towards the bathroom, but Dad stops us.

"What the bloody hell is going on? I heard a gunshot…" He trails off when he sees my wrists. Instead of freaking out, he speaks calmly. "I'll go make some tea. I believe Matthew has explaining to do."

Papa orders me to hold two towels to each wrist while heading down to the living room. He makes me sit on the couch while he starts cleaning up the cuts. We're silent, even when Dad comes into the room with three cups of tea.

"It should have been me." Both Papa and Dad look at me, silent. I take that as my cue to continue. "I should have died. Not Alfred. I was the idiot that tripped. He…he…" I can't stop. The tears keep coming. I tell them everything. That I thought I should have died instead, and that I know everyone else thought it too. That I started drinking to drown out everything like Dad did, that I'd started to cut when that stopped working. That I wanted to die tonight. And that I still do.

I stop talking though, when I feel someone hug me. I start crying harder than I thought I ever could anymore. Harder than I had since Alfred died. I can tell its Papa by the way how he's muttering in French. I try to stop my sobs, but it just doesn't work. "Matthieu, none of that's true. No one thinks that you should have died instead of Alfred."

"B-b-b-but Dad was either drunk or in the b-b-b-basem-m-m-ment."

I feel another pair of arms around me. "That's because it's hard for a parent to put their child in the ground. I was so busy trying to drown out the pain of losing one of my boys that I didn't realize I was losing my other one." I could hear Dad say it. I start sobbing again. I just can't stop.

Finally, all of us grow tired from crying so much, and we fall asleep in the living room. I wake up in the middle of the night. I can feel someone sitting next to me.

I look and it's so hard to not let out a loud sobbing noise. But I can tell I'm crying.

Alfred. I can see Alfred sitting next to me. He hugs me tight, or as well as a spirit can hug a person. He tries to wipe off my tears. "Mattie, stop being stupid. I want you to join me as a little old man, not young. You still got a full life to live." I start crying harder, remembering when he would wipe off my tears when we were kid. "Stop crying, Mattie. You gotta be happy! You gotta live. For me." He smiles at me, and I can't help but smile back at him. "There you go! See! It ain't so bad! Watch Dad and Papa for me. Make sure they die at a ripe old age and not a day sooner!"

I nod. "I will, Al."

"Good. I gotta go, Mattie. I've been here longer than I should have been. Love ya bro!"

Before I could even say anything, I guess you could say Al exploded in a bunch of lights. It was enough to light up the whole room. The lights start falling, like stars. I start crying again, even though he had told me to stop. I can tell its loud sobbing, because someone sits next to me, and asks if I'm okay, do I hurt anywhere?

I shake my head and smile through my tears. "It's all okay now."

* * *

**A/N: So. This had several endings I was juggling through. One was that Matthew dies and Francis and Arthur have to deal with the loss of their other son. Another was that Alfred's ghost stops him. Then I thought about this, and it just felt better. I cried. I cried ****_several times_**** when writing this.**

**And I almost freaking quit writing when I'm Your Hero came up on my phone. I seriously got up and walked away from my laptop. **

**After Alfred died, for a while Matthew was still in shock, but then depression and survivor's guilt began to kick in. Those three months Matthew really didn't register what was actually going on. For example, Lovi and a lot of other people had tried to talk to him, but he was just in his own world. He never noticed some of the things that were going on with his parents, which will be gone over if I end up doing a version from Arthur's or Francis's point of view.**

**So tell me what you guys thought of this, and I'm sorry if it's not ideal FACE Family style, this is really the first time I've actually written FACE Family. Have a good rest of your day, and hopefully I will have another story for you guys soon! Bye bye!**


	2. Car Crash Part One

**A/N: Hi guys! Forgive me for being late as hell on this. I was trying to write another story, but it just…eh, I really couldn't come up with a way to do it right. I'll probably finish it, eventually.**

**This one was based off of a dream I had not too long ago. It made me wake up crying because it freaked me out so much. I hugged my cat and she bit me three times. I wasn't thrilled with that.**

**This one has Spamano in it. This is also kinda based off of a mock car crash I saw at school. My mom was freaking out about that. It was kinda funny. Regardless…..**

**Anyway, on to the sad tale! All characters are they're cannon ages, by the way.**

* * *

**Lovino's POV**

I don't remember anything. Why the fuck can't I remember anything? What the fuck happened? I just woke up in the hospital.

The last thing I remember is driving with Antonio on the interstate. It was late, I mean, of course it was. We had just come back from visiting my stupid little brother. Then I remember Antonio screaming at me, and then headlights and…

Oh, God, what happened to us…?

Maybe I should get out of this bed. I mean, I don't feel any pain. Maybe it's just a fluke, and I fainted or something? Right? That happened, right? You fucking bet your ass it did.

I walk into the hallway. "Hello? Is anyone here?" I spot my brother and a doctor nearby. "Thank God. Feli! What the fuck is going on?"

He doesn't say anything. Instead his eyes are fixated on the doctor, who I recognize as Feliciano's dumb potato lover, Ludwig, and I can tell my brother is trying not to cry. "We…we did all we could…but it just wasn't enough." He takes a deep shuddering breath. "Feli…I'm so so sorry we couldn't save him."

Wait. Save who? What the fuck is he talking about? Feli throws himself into the potato's arms, instantly sobbing. "Ve…Luddy, c-can I s-s-see h-h-him? P-per f-f-f-favor?" I hear Feliciano mumble.

Ludwig nods and leads Feliciano away. Naturally, I fucking follow. "Feliciano! What the fuck is going on? Is it Nonno? Stop fucking ignoring me, please!"

I keep trying to get my brother to talk until we reach the morgue. "I'll wait here, Feli. I don't think he would want me near him, even…" Ludwig mutters.

Feliciano walks into the room, and I follow him. There is only one body in the room, and a sheet is folded over the head. My brother removes the sheet to reveal the face. My heart drops, and I feel sick.

"Oh, Fratello, what happened to you…? You were laughing and cursing at Luddy and big brother Toni just a few hours ago, and now? Now you're lying on this cold table." Feliciano chokes back a sob. "Oh, Dio…why? Why?!" Feliciano falls to his knees, sobbing horribly. I can't even make out his words anymore.

I struggle to look at my…body. There are cuts all over my face. I can only imagine my body…

But…Antonio was with me during the wreck. Oh God, what happened to him? Where is he?!

Ludwig walks into the room. "Feliciano…I'm sorry….there isn't anything I can do…"

"Who did this?"

"P-pardon?"

"Who killed my fratello?!" Feliciano all but screeched.

"I-I don't…"

"Please, Luddy. Please, I just want to know who did this. Wouldn't you want to know if this happened to Gilbert?"

Ludwig sighs. "It was a drunk driver." Ludwig shakes his head. "Look, don't focus on that. Antonio finally woke up."

"Really?!"

Ludwig nods. "You can go see him. You should. I think it is better for you to tell him what happened."

* * *

"Feli!" Antonio yells to my brother as soon as we enter the room. He seems energetic as ever. And healthy. Which is good. "It's good to see you. Even though it was a few hours ago, but…well, you know." His face suddenly brightens. "Have you seen Lovi? Is he okay?"

"Antonio…Lovi…he…"

"No! Wait! I want to see him myself! Before he wakes up…I want you to run to our house, mine and Lovi's, and go into the kitchen. There is a cupboard with a lock on it. The key is in the cookie jar. Oh! And the spare key to the house is under the welcome mat. But I want you to get into that cupboard and get this little bag I have in there. But don't open it! Please."

Feliciano seems a bit shocked. "I…umm…ve, of course Big Brother Toni. I will." Feliciano has this amazing skill of covering all of his feelings behind this huge smile. He runs quickly out of the room.

Only me and Antonio are in the room. I sit down next to him. "Hey. I know that you can't hear me. And I really…really hate that. You know how much I fucking hate it when you don't know what I'm saying."

Antonio is staring out into the window. He has this big goofy grin on his face. He always has that grin. I can't help but hide a small smile. "You know…I really did love you. I really really did." I look up. "Goddammit, I can't stop fucking crying now. I'm….I'm not ready to leave yet, Antonio. I'm not. Not really. I wanted to grow old with you, dammit."

I don't know how fucking long I sat there staring at his face. His sharp features, his beautiful green eyes. The way his hair falls just perfectly. I've tried to draw him, but Feli got that particular talent. Antonio always said he loved my art, but I just bring myself to agree with it.

Feliciano eventually comes back with this little bag. It's purple satin. Antonio smiles at him. "Open the bag!"

Feliciano opens the bag and pulls out a small little box. He eyes it carefully and looks at Antonio, who nods eagerly. When Feliciano opens it, he gasps. "A-Antonio…? Wh-what…?"

Antonio laughs. "It's for Lovi! When he gets better, I'm going to give it to him!"

"W-why?" Feli looks like he's about ready to burst into tears at any given minute.

"Because." Antonio is serious for once. "I love your brother. Very much. And I want to be with him forever. I want to marry him."

I cover my mouth. What the hell else am I supposed to do? Feli falls to his knees, holding the box, sobbing. "O-oh Dio! W-why do you do this?!" He can't stop crying.

"Feli? Feli! What's wrong?" Antonio looks completely shocked.

Feliciano stands up and gives Antonio the box and grabs his hand, tears streaming down his cheeks. "Antonio…Lovi...fratello…"

"What about him? Feli, please, tell me!"

"He…he's dead. He…" Feli breaks down crying even more.

"N…no. No! That…that isn't possible! Feli…no…please tell me this is a really really cruel joke!"

"I wish it was…" Feli has this dead look in his eyes.

"Antonio…fratello…is gone…"

* * *

**A/N: I'm going to update on either Monday's or Tuesday's now. Just depends on my mood, I guess.** **This is going to be continued, I promise. I have a poll on my profile about what you guys want next. One is the continuation of this, another is the other story I was going to do, and the rest are going to be pairings. If you want, you can also submit an idea for a story via PM. Regardless, leave a review, please! I can tell you now that it does make me happier when I get a review! **

**Bye guys, and I'll see you all later!**


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